On June 17, it became clear that Senator Mitch McConnell wouldn’t have the votes needed to pass the GOP’s latest attempt at repealing and replacing Obamacare, but one thing is certain: Republican leaders won’t stop until they’re able to make good on their campaign promise to get rid of the Affordable Care Act.
All this uncertainty can really do a number on our future plans. Should I be hoarding birth control? Will I actually be able to afford to have a baby by the time I’m ready in another year or two? And what should I wear? While we can’t answer those first two questions yet (sorry!), we’ve definitely got you covered on number three. Read on for a dozen must-have items every woman should add to her closet before Obamacare becomes so last season!
- Hospital gown – To help you blend in with patients who have already been admitted because you (and millions more) lost your health coverage.
- LBD (i.e., Little Black Dress) – Look your best when you’re laid to rest after dying from a completely treatable illness your health plan isn’t required to cover anymore!
- Suit and tie – So you can pass for a dude and sneak into the room for a seat at the table with all the male lawmakers making healthcare decisions for you.
- Canadian tuxedo – To blend in when you flee to Canada for universal coverage.
- DIY trash bag jacket – Because you’re too poor from paying higher premiums and deductibles to afford an actual jacket.
- Excellent new lipstick color – To hide the fact that all your teeth have fallen out because you can no longer afford the luxury of a dental plan.
- Stretchy leggings – To safely catch the baby you’ve delivered while waiting outside the hospital because a $17,000 surcharge for maternal care wasn’t part of your birthing plan.
- Medieval chastity belt – To avoid contracting that pesky preexisting condition, rape.
- Weekender bag – To carry as much contraceptive as you could stash before Planned Parenthood was defunded and access to affordable options became basically impossible.
- Urban camo – For sneaking into the underground clinic where you’ll be receiving guerilla care from medical practitioners who prioritize your health over their bottom line; don’t worry, these should be prevalent considering the entire American Medical Association and some of the biggest insurance companies have come out against the bill.
- Gloves – To hide your nubby, bitten-down fingernails because treatment for anxiety and other basic mental health care isn’t covered by your health plan anymore.
- 200 pairs of Yeezys – Just in case you’re one of the 0.1 percent of the population who stands to get a six-figure tax credit made possible by the defunding of our nation’s healthcare system. You’re welcome.
None of these options quite your style? Then save this number on your phone: 1-844-872-0234. It’ll connect you straight to your congressional representatives, who you can demand protect your – and your fellow Americans’ – health care.